Mal Mots

From Hugh MacLeod's Gaping Void

Scott Adams did a post last week on Inventing Your Own Cuss Phrases. I was compelled to read the 800+ comments to see if my offerings would be unique. They were. Yay for me!

- Clusterwank is my own invention - have never heard it uttered by another.
- Raspberries! comes from my sister outlaw. Said with vehemence, it's fantastic.
- And from my youth, my Dad has long schooled me what to say to a cop should I be pulled over: Siss on you, pister! You ain't so muckin' fuch you can't back off in my jack yard!

Most of the comments were lame listings of favorite cuss phrases, not actual new stuff. Here are my Cliff's Notes for melodious maledictions.

In the non-potty mouth category:

- Kiss my muscle mass!
- Son of a bit shift!
- Well strap me vitals to a hedgehog
- You aren't half the man your mother was
- You have all the intelligence and charisma of a constipated monkey, and you run like one too.
- Dear Darling Fascist Bullyboy (Extra points, as this is from a letter Neil wrote on The Young Ones)
- Belgium (Extra special points, as it's from Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)


In the almost potty-mouth category (you must be 13 to read these now, kidz):

- Craptastic!
- Oh for flying crappola!
- Bugger me backwards with a large root vegetable
- You couldn't get a clue if you doused yourself in clue musk and did the clue mating dance in a field of horny clues at the end of clue mating season.(Extra points for aligning with my penchant for things clued.)

And in the potty-mouth or you gotta be over 18 expletive bucket:

- F*ckety!
- A**tastic!
- French kiss my a**!
- Isn't that the icing on the sh*t cake?
- Well, I'll be dipped in dog sh*t and deep fat fried!
- Calling you a sh*t for brains insults turds everywhere.
- Well, spank me hard and call me precious! (uber fave!)